Showing the Love Behind the Secrets
by MinaWritesSlash
Summary: ON HIATUS. Outtakes, pasttakes, futuretakes and other's points of view for my story Love & Secrets.
1. My Guy

**Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. References to real places and groups are used fictitiously.**** The plot is inspired by my very active imagination and a very weird dream I had once. Therefore it is my original work. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization. ©Copyright MinaR 2010**

**This chapter is dedicated to Domwards Playgirl. It was her idea!**

**Thanks to my betas Eifeltwr and LaMomo for their encouragement to do this thing.**

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><p><strong>L&amp;S OUTTAKE 1: My Guy<strong>

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><p><strong>Pilgrim<strong>**'s POV**

A new day.

It's a little cold.

I stretch on my bed.

I go to the kitchen.

My bowl is full.

I drink some water.

I look outside.

It's sunny today.

Where is my guy?

I want to go out.

I find him sitting near the window.

That's my spot.

I let him sit there.

I like him that much.

"Hey there, my furry friend."

I purr as I rub against his long legs.

"Would you like to go out today?"

I tell him yes.

He smiles, but it's not wide.

It's never wide.

It's been a long time since he gave me a wide smile.

…

We are at the park

It's really nice.

My guy seats under a tree.

He plays with me.

A few women stop to talk to him.

He doesn't like it when they touch him.

I play the mean cat.

The women leave.

I'm the good cat again.

"Thanks for that, my friend."

I sit next to my guy.

He pats me on the head

I eat the treat he gives me.

A ball bumps me in the head.

It didn't hurt.

A boy tells me he is sorry.

I tell him I'm okay.

The boy asks my guy about my eyes.

"He is special."

My guy rubs me behind my ear.

The boy leaves with the ball.

"Let's go home."

I jump into his arms.

Home.

…

My guy is shaking.

He always shakes at night.

I don't like it when he shakes.

His face gets wet

His eyes get swollen.

I lick his free hand.

The other one is holding _his_ photo.

The one that left.

I never liked him.

He made my guy shake a lot.

"I miss you."

He always says that.

"I wish I could have saved you."

I don't like it when he says that.

My guy falls asleep on the couch.

I keep him company.

He needs a nice guy to keep him company.

I could help him.

…

I hate the case, but he says it's necessary.

"Sorry, buddy. It will only be for a few hours."

I don't fight him.

I know he cares for me.

He gives me one tiny white ball to eat.

It tastes horrible.

I fall sleep.

…

My guy puts me down on the floor.

There is a little girl in front of me.

She is pretty.

I like her.

She has my guy's eyes.

"Neko."

That's not my name.

"Pilgrim."

My guy knows my name.

"Neee koooo"

Again, that's not my name, pretty girl.

My guy makes a happy sound with his throat.

I like that sound.

"Pil-grim."

"Ne-ko!"

I sit.

This is going to be a long day.

…

The old people leave with the pretty girl.

I look at my guy.

He is sad again.

I tell him to go out.

"Let's go to the garden."

I sigh.

…

My guy is sleeping under the pink tree.

He needs company.

I walk around looking.

I sit just outside the garden.

I see a boy from where I'm sitting.

I understand what he's saying.

He's angry.

He isn't dangerous.

I like this boy.

He's better than _him_.

The boy holds me.

His eyes are green.

I like green.

"Are you a traveller too?"

Why is he talking to me?

Doesn't he know I'm a cat?

I purr when he scratches my favourite spot.

I want the green-eyed boy to meet my guy.

I show him the way.

…

The boy can't see my guy.

He is standing too far.

I climb the pink tree to show him.

I get stuck.

The boy climbs the tree too.

Why is the boy doing that?

My guy is not up here!

You're supposed to meet my guy!

Get down!

My guy is on the other side of the tree.

I jump to show the boy.

I wake my guy up.

The boy yells and falls.

My guy helps him.

They hold hands.

I lay under the pink tree.

I see them talking.

My guy is smiling.

It's a wide smile.

I knew the boy could make my guy smile like that.

My guy makes that happy sound with his throat.

The boy smiles too.

My guy likes the boy.

My guy kisses the boy.

My job is done.

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><p><strong>REC's TIME!<strong>

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><p><strong>Here's another of my Queens of Slash<strong>**: Kerrfrano**

**I am completely addicted to her story DESTINATION. Here's the summary:**

"After six months of self discovery Jasper boards a plane to head back to a life he doesn't want, where he meets Edward. Will their destinations take them to the same place?**"**

**E&J meet at the airport****. One stop in L.A leads to a hot steamy and lemony night. Next day, they go their separate ways and move on. Well, they tried, but neither one of them could let go the feelings that were awakened that night of passion.**

**GO READ IT NOW!**

**LINK: http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5857601/1/Destination**


	2. My New Life

**Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. Ms. Meyer owns Twilight and all of its characters, no copyright violation is intended. References to real people, places and groups are used fictitiously. The plot is my original work. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization. ©Copyright MinaR 2010**

**Author's Note:**

This is CPOV Outtake that was written for the Fandom for Preemies fundraiser, which raised over $5000! Woohooo! I was honored to be a part of it and proud at how much was accomplished! Those who donated got to see the outtake with pictures, I will be posting it on .pdf once I figure out how to use google docs, so stay tuned on my blog, I'll be posting the link there.

I really hope you enjoy the outtake.

Thanks to my usual partners in crime and suppliers of all the Peterp0rn: LaMomo and Eifeltwr.

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><p><strong>Glossary<strong>

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><p><em><strong>Oji-kun:<strong>__ Uncle. (Informal)  
><em>_**Mei-chan:**__ Niece. (Informal)  
><strong>Ka-san:<strong>__ Mom. (Informal)  
><em>_**Oba-san:**__ Grandmother. (Formal)  
><strong>Samishikattayo:<strong>__ I missed you.  
><strong>Kawaii:<strong>__ Cute.  
><em>_**Neko:**__ Cat._

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><p><strong>L&amp;S OUTTAKE 2: My New Life<strong>

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><p>I entered my apartment after a long night shift at the ER, sorting through some of the mail that was left during the day on my little mailbox at the lobby; it was mostly junk mail except for a letter or two. As I walked into the living room, I noticed the little red light blinking signalling a voicemail. I quickly made my way over the phone and push play to hear the message.<p>

I actually had two voice messages; I hit play to listen the first one.

'_Good Afternoon, Mr. Cullen. This is Victoria Piers from Collins, Harris and Piers calling. I have great news for you. The adoption papers are finally completed, as well as all the paperwork necessary for you to bring your niece back to the US with you. I sent you all the documentation you will need to file with the American Consulate in Tokyo, where you will receive her new American passport as soon as you go over there with little Miss Sayuri. Congratulations, Mr. Cullen. Feel free to call me at the office if you have any questions. Good Night.'_

_BEEEP_

I plopped down on the window seat with a small smile gracing my lips. I leaned back crossing my legs at my ankles and let my head rest against the window frame. My little niece Sayuri would finally be coming home with me. After all the problems, obstacles and legal hassle, she was finally coming home with me.

_Esme, I hope I can make you proud._

I never thought that my brother-in-law Ryo would have let my sister Esme appoint me as their daughter's, Sayuri, legal guardian in the event of their death, since he never fully accepted my lifestyle. I had known I was gay since I was fourteen years old, but growing up with a very strict family and going to a private catholic school for boys in London, had turned me into a very private person. I understood Ryo's hesitation, since he had been raised in a formal and traditional family as well. I had always made sure to keep my distance, to avoid making him uncomfortable whenever we were in a room. But Esme didn't want Sayuri to grow up with such close-minded people as Ryo's family, the Kuratas, were.

_I bet she fought with teeth and nails without me knowing it._

Mr. and Mrs. Kurata's attitude was quite disconcerting. After the accident, they had not wasted any time and had tried hard to gain custody of Sayuri; it really showed how prejudiced they were. They sued me and took her to Tokyo without mine or any authority's consent, which was enough for me to press charges against them for kidnapping.

They really thought that by taking her to Japan, they would be able to fight custody in a Japanese court, but Sayuri was an American citizen, and therefore her case was ruled by American law. They actually never had a chance. No matter how influential or powerful the Kuratas were in Tokyo, Sayuri was legally in my care, and there was absolutely nothing they could do about it. I didn't press any charges against them out of respect for Ryo, and when they realized their mistake it was too late. No court, either American or Japanese, would grant them custody after that stunt.

The second message started and I immediately sat up when I recognized the voice.

_`Carlisle, I'm calling to let you know that the position at Cornell is yours. (Long pause) I got the call today, but I never had the chance to tell you while at the hospital. I'm sorry. Well… I guess that's all. (Sighs) Can we just… (Takes a deep breath) Take care, and call me when you can. Good luck. And remember I'm still here. Good bye.'_

_BEEEP_

I ran my hands through my hair before letting my head rest back against the window frame, and let out the breath I had been holding. It had been so hard for me to make the decision to move to New York, but I couldn't keep going to that hospital anymore. Every time I walked through those doors, I would always see his face and hear his laugh in the corridors. I just couldn't do it anymore.

_I'm so sorry Sam… but I just can't… it's too hard._

I was woken from my thoughts by a soft purring and the feel of fur against my calves. I looked down a saw my cat, Pilgrim, staring at me with his blue and green eyes. I could swear that this cat could sometimes tell exactly what was wrong. He'd always try to cheer me up. He meowed again and lifted his little paw to show me that he wanted something. Maybe he just wanted me to move out of his spot, but then I noticed the sun outside and I understood.

"Hey there, my furry friend. Would you like to go out today?"

He meowed and purred again letting me know he indeed wanted to go out.

_I guess a little time at the park would be nice…_

**~L&S~**

_I was running through the hospital corridors, looking through the ER room's windows looking frantically for him. He shouldn't be here; he was fine when I left, mad at me, but fine. Have I missed the signs? Was I too preoccupied with my residency that I neglected him in any way? Was he trying to tell me he wasn't feeling right this afternoon?_

_I heard a nurse call my name at the same time I heard his voice screaming in pain. I turned around, almost colliding with a supplies cart in the hallway, and ran to where she was standing right outside the trauma room. I was only a few feet away when I saw her scrubs._

_Blood…_

_All over her top and pants._

_My mind went into overdrive, going through all the possible scenarios that could make him bleed so much. It couldn't be… No, he was fine! _

_HE WAS FINE! _

_But just then, I heard his voice scream my name, and when I got into the room, my whole world came crashing down._

I woke up from my nightmare with a start, a sheet of sweat covering my skin. I was gasping for air. I felt my stomach churn and ran to the bathroom reaching for the toilet just in time to empty my stomach's contents violently. I hadn't had this nightmare in months and just one visit to the hospital this afternoon had made me fall back to the pathetic mess I had been back then.

_I hate this… I feel so weak._

_You made me feel strong._

_Only you._

_Why did you leave me?_

I shook my head and took a deep breath to stop the tears from coming. I got to my feet and washed my mouth. I went to my bedroom, which only contained a mattress and boxes lying around for the move. I walked out to what was left of the living room. I saw the box I had brought from the hospital on top of my coffee table. I debated for a minute or two, then walked towards it and sat on the couch, my arms resting on my thighs and my hands clasped between my knees. I stared at the box till I finally reached out and opened it. I started taking each item out of the box till I reached my goal.

The photo was old and wrinkled. It had been taken with an antique camera during a trip to South America that we'd done while we were serving with Médecins Sans Frontières. We had been on the small island of Salitre, Ecuador, for almost four months by the time I had taken this photo. This was a very poor area, where the people had barely the necessary means to live, so one of my patients had given me the camera in gratitude for the medication I had given him and his wife for free.

I slowly unfolded the photo while holding my breath. The air left my lungs as it always did when I saw him. There he was, in all his beautiful glory. His dark curly hair was slightly wet from the ocean breeze and his eyes shined with a knowing look. To me, he was perfection in its finest form, and I constantly found myself wondering how I'd gotten so lucky. The photo didn't have any color, since it was developed in sepia paper. I couldn't see the colors of his eyes, but it didn't matter, I had a 24/7 reminder of them in the house with me.

I remembered that day like it was yesterday. We were decompressing after a very hard and long shift at one of the free clinics we were working for in Salitre. We had both lost patients that night, but he'd taken it harder than me, since his was only 5 years old. His expression was hard and sad at the same time all night; no doubt he was going over all the what-ifs. I had tried to cheer him up, but all my attempts had been futile. That's when I remembered I had the camera in my bag.

_I took out the camera and checked if it had film inside. Once it was ready, I turned to face him, his face was still stony and distant, but his beautiful eyes reflected the sadness that he was feeling inside._

_He sighed and ran a hand through his hair filling it with sand, but he didn't care._

_I took the camera and focused it on him._

"_Sam?" I called to him._

_He looked at me, like I knew he would, and snapped the photo capturing his expression just before he gave me my smile, the one that was just for me._

"_What are you doing, Carl?" He asked smirking at my antics._

"_I'm trying to cheer you up," I answered with a smile, "but I don't think I'm doing a good job."_

_He extended his arm and cupped my face. "Nonsense, even if my face doesn't show it, I'm always smiling for you, love. Always."_

The pain I felt in my chest was unbearable. The memories of him were always so clear to me. I could always perfectly remember his face, his scent, his touch… Why couldn't I just forget? It had been three years since the last time I'd seen him, and I still couldn't seem to let go.

"I miss you," I cried as a flash of his smiling face passed through my mind's eye.

I couldn't hold back the sobs. My chest hurt with the pain of not being able to see him again, of not hearing his laugh or feeling his arms around me at night. This place was so empty without him. I wanted him. I never wanted to let him go. He was all I had left, after everyone had shunned me for being who I was. My parents had never spoken to me again, Esme had moved to Japan because her husband couldn't even look me in the eye. I had been so alone for too long, and then he was there. He'd cared for me, kept me from feeling the emptiness that had resided in my heart for so many years. He'd loved me and I'd loved him, but he eventually left me too, just like everyone else.

I wished things could have been different. I wished I'd been able to see the signs, to help him get out of the darkness, but I was naïve and scared. I didn't know what to do, and he knew it. He knew I couldn't save him.

"I wish I could have saved you." I whispered through my sobs.

I lay down on my couch with thoughts of him still running through my mind. I had already stopped sobbing. It didn't matter, though. My body could regulate my breathing, calm my heart beat and I could feel the exhaustion bring me closer to sleep, but my soul was still weeping.

So, with tears still running down my face, I fell into the blackness and to a restless sleep.

**~L&S~**

I woke up before the sun was even up behind the clouds. I decided to stop trying to sleep then, because I didn't get any sleep last night. It wasn't because of the nightmares; though, they were a constant in my life now. It was the anxiety about my move to New York that had kept me up all night.

I sighed and went to get a head start on my day. After a quick shower and getting dressed for the trip, I walked around the apartment making sure everything was ready for the move. All boxes should be sent to the storage room I had rented in New York. I needed to find a place to stay fast, but with all the arrangements for the trip to Tokyo, I hadn't gotten the time to look into it. I checked my bag for the third time, to make sure I had all the documents ready as well as all the traveling permits for Pilgrim.

Traveling long distances can be dangerous for a cat, so I was going to make two stops on my trip. Our first stop was in New York, where I would make sure that all my stuff was securely in storage and look for an apartment. One week later, in Paris, where I would be meeting my former colleagues from _Médecins Sans Frontières_. Then, four days later I would be attending a medical conference in Tokyo and meeting my niece. If everything went well, I would be back in New York with my niece in two weeks' time.

I grabbed Pilgrim's travel case and some pills that the vet had prescribed to make Pilgrim sleep during the flight. I put the case on the kitchen floor and threw one of his chew toys inside just in case. I went to look for my furry friend and found him lying on the couch, looking at me like he hated my guts, but resigned with his fate. I crouched in front of the sofa to be eye-level with him. "I wish there was another way, but I have to get you in it. It's necessary and airport policy." I said to him. He just kept staring at me and then sighed.

I picked him up and took him to the kitchen. I set him on the floor and he lazily walked inside the case. "Sorry, buddy. It will only be for a few hours." I promised. I took one pill from the prescription bottle and gave it to him. He was so well-behaved that he knew he needed to swallow the pill. He then walked to the back of the case and started to play with his chew toy. I knew it would only be a matter of minutes till he fell asleep.

I walked around the apartment taking in everything. I was standing in the bedroom, now bare except for a few boxes that would go to Goodwill. All the memories of past times were running through my mind over and over again, until I heard the taxi honking outside. I turned around to walk out, but I found myself rooted on my spot. I looked back at the room over my shoulder and it seemed like a lifetime ago that this was the place where I had lived the happiest days of my life.

I felt the tears gather in my eyes and took a deep breath. In that moment, I knew I was ready to finally let go and start over.

"Goodbye," I whispered into the room and walked out of that place and never looked back.

.

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><p>.<p>

I was just passing by Central Park Zoo in Manhattan, looking for an apartment for me and Sayuri to live in, when my mobile rang. I saw the number had an international area code, so I answered quickly. "Hello, Dr. Cullen speaking."

"_C! Hey man, it's Ted!"_ said a booming voice which I recognized immediately.

I smiled. "Ted Masen? Hello my friend. Your voice sounds very distant. Where are you?"

He laughed. _"I'm in Kyoto, Japan. Lizzie and I are gonna be working on a film here for the next few months. I'm very excited to direct my wife again, it's been a while."_

"You're in Japan, really? I'm New York right now!" I exclaimed.

"_DUDE! What are you doing in New York?"_ Ted asked with a chuckle.

"I got a teaching job at Cornell. I had always wanted to teach, and a family friend just recently became Dean. He asked me to send him a resume, and here I am."

I heard someone yelling for Ted thought the line. _"For fuck's sake! Just get it in the box! I swear these aides get dumber than the last,"_ muttered Ted. _"Sorry about that C. So, you'll be working on my hood!"_

"I beg your pardon?"

"_I live on East 75th Street, between Park Av. and Lexington. It's like 5 min from Cornell."_

"That's great! I've been looking for a place close to both Cornell and Dalton School, where Sayuri will be starting 4th grade, but I haven't had any luck so far."

"_Dalton School? My son and his friends go to that school!"_ I heard Liz on the other end asking Ted who he was talking to. _"Lizzie, it's Carlisle, he's in New York!"_

After a moment, I was greeted by none other than Elizabeth Masen herself, Academy Award Winner and one of the top 50 most influential women in Hollywood. _"Hello, Carlisle. It's so good to hear from you! Ted told me about your sister, I'm so sorry from the bottom of my heart. Feel free to ask us anything that you might need help with, especially with your little niece that's coming to live with you," _she said with a gentle voice.

I could not help the smile that spread across my face, nor could I stop the blush on my cheeks. Elizabeth Masen was one of my favorite actresses, and I still couldn't believe I was lucky to know her and Ted. I always thanked Dr. Chan for getting sick and asking me to cover his shift that night in the ER when Elizabeth arrived with a sprained ankle and a neurotic Ted on toll.

"Thank you, Elizabeth." I kept saying, while walking onto Park Avenue to the next apartment I had called to check out. "I might need to cut this conversation short, forgive me, but I made an appointment to look at an apartment on Park Av."

"_Are you looking at apartments only, Carlisle?"_ asked Liz with curiosity.

"Not really. I saw a beautiful small townhouse that was on my price range, but the couple that lives there isn't moving until August."

"_Are you talking about Garrett and Kate Rivers' home?"_

"Yes, do you know them, Elizabeth?" I asked a little surprised.

"_As the matter of fact, I do."_

I knew that by the tone of her voice I might have lucked out and managed to get a place to stay, at least for a while.

**~L&S~**

_Elizabeth Masen is definitely a force of nature to be reckon with_, I thought with humor.

After a very long conversation, it was decided (for I had no choice in the matter) that Sayuri and I would be staying at the Masen's townhouse until August. Liz assured me that the Rivers' townhouse was mine for the taking once she'd had a word with them.

I had asked both Ted and Liz if we wouldn't be an inconvenience for them. Liz had taken the phone from Ted and said in a soft but firm voice: _'Carlisle, you are actually doing me a favor. By staying at our home, I'll be more relaxed knowing that you will be there to take care of the house and of my son. Especially during the summer, which will be the first one he'll be completely alone since his Nana Marie passed away last year."_

Apparently, Nana Marie was a lovely old lady that took care of their son when they had to work during the summer. She had unfortunately passed away of a heart attack last summer. Since school had started two weeks after the burial, Ted and Liz didn't think it would be necessary to hire someone to keep Junior (as Ted called him) company and under a watchful eye. Liz said that, since I was a friend and a doctor, she would feel better knowing that her son would be safer with me rather than with a complete stranger. I understood Liz's concern and accepted her offer after that.

After stopping by the Rivers' townhouse to put in my offer and sign some papers, I went inside a deli near Central Park to order a sandwich and some coffee. I was sitting next to the window eating my lunch when I saw him for the first time.

He was standing on the sidewalk looking down on his mobile, texting. He was wearing black chucks, dark washed-out skinny jeans, and a brown leather jacket with a blue thermal t-shirt underneath. His hair was wet, disheveled and flopping forward in some places, looking very much like it had never seen a comb, and it was the strangest shade of red, more like bronze-colored, with blond highlights reflecting against the sun. From where I was sitting, I could only look at his profile, his nose was straight and his jaw was square with a scattering of stubble, as if he hadn't shaved in a couple of days, it was a shade darker than his hair and he had the longest, thickest eyelashes I had ever seen.

I stared at him because his face, so different, so similar, was devastatingly beautiful. This was a face you'd never expect to see, except perhaps on the airbrushed pages of a fashion magazine or painted by an old master as the face of an angel.

Suddenly he looked up and I lost my ability to breathe.

His eyes, my Lord, his eyes were the greenest color I had ever seen, they were like dark emeralds under the moonlight. And his lips… oh, those lips would be the death of me. They were perfect and plump but did not look feminine. They were pursed as though he were pouting and bloody hell… those goddamned lips were all I could see. Perfect. Plump. Sexy. Pouty. Pale pink. I wanted to taste them, to bite them hard, and then ease the pain with my tongue…

I gasped when I felt something stirring in my pants.

I looked down to my lap, and there it was… I was shocked to say the least. Sure I found men attractive, but no one had ever caused that to happen in three years. I couldn't believe that after feeling no desire whatsoever for any man for so long, I was suddenly feeling a very raw need for this particularly bronze-haired boy that I hadn't even spoken to. Confusion coursed through me, as my body and mind tried to come to some sort of understanding. I was in uncharted territory; my own body was betraying me. I hadn't felt like this since...

I took a deep breath to calm myself. It helped a little, until a very pretty brunette girl walked up to him, hugged him and kissed him on the cheek. It wasn't a possessive gesture, more like a greeting between close friends. They both entered the deli smiling and talking while he threw his arm around her shoulders and I growled at the intimate gesture.

_WAIT!_

_What the hell?_

_Did I just growl?_

A frustrated chuckle left me, as I ran my hands through my hair and tugged desperately. I was equally angry and embarrassed at the fact that this boy had just elicited the most primal reactions out of me, and I didn't even know his bloody name. He was gorgeous, indeed, and it made me want to take a step back to just… bloody ogle him. I laughed internally, mainly at myself and my own stupidity. Here I was, checking out a man that was clearly taken and straight.

_You sure know how to pick them, Carlisle._

I shook my head and looked once again at the bronze-haired boy. He was smiling and talking animatedly with the brunette girl, while waiting in line for their turn, when she suddenly squealed and launched herself at him and he threw his head back and barked a laugh at her enthusiasm.

He had such a melodic laugh that I felt the inexplicable need to make him laugh like that every day.

I shook my head at my own thoughts.

_You are so screwed, Carlisle. Next thing you know, you'll be stealing a kiss or two from the boy in front of the entire park._

I sighed and stood up, turning my back to the boy while I tried to block out his laughter and his soft voice. I dropped a tip on the table for the waiter and grabbed my coat from the back of the chair. I reached for my bag from the floor and I looked over my shoulder one last time at the boy and at his beautiful face. Smiling, I walked out of the deli with his happy laugh still ringing in my ears.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

"This is outrageous! How dare you impose visitation hours on me? She is MY daughter now. You have no rights on her, Esme AND Ryo appointed me her legal guardian!" I yelled through the phone. I was completely infuriated.

"She is our granddaughter. We will do what is best for her. You are no good for her, you are a filthy man!" said Mrs. Kurata with a very heavy accent.

"Oh, for Heaven's sake! You narrow-minded woman!" I said through clenched teeth. "I'll be there in two days and you better be there to drop her off, or I'll pursue the kidnapping charges, and then you'll be lucky if you are even able to send her a letter! _Sayonara!_" and then I hung up on the obnoxious woman that my poor niece had for a grandmother.

I immediately started packing my belongings at top speed. Poor Pilgrim was hiding under the bed, scared from all my yelling, but I didn't have the time to comfort him now. I needed to get a move on. I grabbed my laptop and changed my ticket to Tokyo for tomorrow morning. I was sad to cut my trip to Paris short; I had come here earlier than planned, thanks to Liz's help with house hunting. I thought it would be nice to see my former colleagues and hang out like we used to. Now I had to cancel plans with them to deal with this mess.

My mobile rang for the millionth time today and I ran to answer it.

"Hello," I barked into the phone while still packing my suitcase.

"Dr. Cullen, this is Victoria Piers," she replied in a sharp but gentle voice, "I was just contacted by the American consulate in Tokyo. Dr. Cullen, I just wish to assure you that the Kuratas have no case. I'm packing right now and taking the first flight out of New York to Tokyo. Are you still in Paris?"

"Yes, but I'm taking the next flight to Tokyo too." I said through clenched teeth. I was trying to rein in the rage and indignation that had simply started to accumulate since I'd received that awful call from the American Consulate. Ms. Pierce had been a great help so far, and she didn't deserve me behaving like an asshole.

I heard her shuffling around through the line, while she calmly explained the situation to me. It seemed that the Kuratas had paid a very powerful lawyer in Tokyo to sue me for custody and reverse the adoption, and since I never pressed charges against them after they took Sayuri, the paperwork went without a hitch. Then they had paid off a judge to grant them temporary custody with only supervised visitation rights for me.

Victoria said that she knew the judge who had granted the temporary custody, and that a few of her colleagues in Japan had heard some very unsavory things about him. She had all this information at the ready, and as soon as she'd arrive in Tokyo, she would file a lawsuit to have him suspended immediately and removed from the bench, on charges of corruption and abuse of power. Then she would go to the American consulate with all the information about the Kuratas' deals and Esme's last will, since it seemed that the Kuratas had failed to mention that particular piece of paper to the consul.

"Dr. Cullen, my suggestion for now is that you comply with the visitation rights," I was about to protest, but she cut in before I said a word, "I know what you are thinking, but it would be beneficial for us if they see the way you interact with Sayuri. They might have a few questions for you, some might be a little too intrusive," meaning prejudiced, "but I think it would really show what a great role model you would be for Sayuri. It would also make the Kuratas feel safe while I work in the background."

I pinched the bridge of my nose trying to keep calm. "I don't like this, she is my daughter. Esme wanted me to raise her, why can't they understand that?" I said with an exasperated sigh.

"I understand, Carlisle. Let's play along with these _people_ and soon you'll have your daughter with you in the States. I promise."

**~L&S~**

I was pacing inside Esme's former home in Tokyo, waiting not so patiently for the Kuratas and the social worker to arrive with Sayuri. I had given Pilgrim his sleeping pill yesterday after we arrived because he was a nervous wreck, which was only a reflection of my own mood. I had left him sleeping on the guest bedroom's bed and closed the door.

I heard a car approaching and I ran to the front window to look. I saw her getting out of the car and I immediately went to the front door and wrapped her in my arms.

_God, she smells like flowers, just like Esme._

I was shaking trying to hold back my tears.

"_Oji-kun"_ she said in a sweet voice. I pulled back and saw her biting her lip with tears streaming down her lovely cheeks.

"Don't… don't cry, _mei-chan,_" I said letting a small sob escape my lips, "_Oji-kun_ is here to take care of you now. Like _ka-san_ always wanted," I whispered sweetly to her.

"I'm glad… I like _Oji-san_ better. _Oba-san_ is mean. She took Whitney from me." She said in a small voice while pouting.

"Who is Whitney?" I asked her a let her little head rest on the crook of my neck while walking back inside the house. I barely shook the social worker's hand in acknowledgement before I went straight to the sofa and sat down with Sayuri still hugging me tightly.

"Whitney is my stuffed _neko_. He is white and very _kawaii,_" she mumbled against my neck, "but O_ba-san_ said that it wasn't proper for me to have it. That I was too old for toys."

I was now seething.

Yes, Sayuri was far more advanced than any other eight-year-old, and the fact she could fluently speak both Japanese and English was a proof of that, but because she was so tiny, she could pass for a six-year-old and her personality was so sweet that you just couldn't help but snuggle with her. I couldn't believe that this woman had taken away her own grandchild's only comfort after her parents' death. Had they ever hugged her? For the way Sayuri was clinging to me and the way she called Mrs. Kurata her Oba-san instead of Oba-_chan_, I would have to sadly say no.

"_Samishikattayo, mei-chan_. So very _very_ much." I said as I kissed the top of her little head.

Sayuri lifted her head and gave me a small and innocent smile. "Me too, _Oji-kun._"

She was so beautiful. She was Ryo's spitting image, except for the shape of her face, which was heart-shaped like Esme's, and her eyes, which were as blue as my mother's and mine. Her hair was a very dark brown, almost black, and it was cut short to her chin with bangs. She had a button nose and pouty lips, traits she'd inherited from her father. She was wearing a pretty pink _yukata_. I thought it was too formal for a little girl her age, but remembering who she had been living with all this time, it didn't surprise me. Mrs. Kurata always admonished Esme's choices of t-shirts and jeans for Sayuri to wear. My sister used to simply wave her off, she never fought her, out of respect for Ryo, but she never stopped dressing Sayuri like a girl of her age, like an American girl, was supposed to dress.

"I like your _yukata, mei-chan_. It's very pretty." I told her with a smile while trying to earn some brownie points with the wicked witch of the east.

She beckoned me with her little index finger and I lowered my head so she could whisper in my ear.

She giggled and said, "It's itchy."

I threw my head back and barked a laugh, making Sayuri giggle harder. For a fleeting moment the image of a bronze-haired boy passed through my mind, but I shook it off. I heard some scratching against the guest bedroom's door and I saw both Mrs. Kurata and the social worker look at the door with curiosity.

_I bet they are thinking that there are mice in here._

I stood up and put Sayuri in the middle of the couch were I was sitting and bended down to whisper in her ear. "I have a surprise for you." I said in a sing-song tone.

Sayuri squealed and clapped enthusiastically, but remained sitting in the couch. I kissed the top of her head and asked to wait there and to close her eyes. She quickly complied and covered them with her tiny hands. I walked quickly to the guest bedroom, and when I opened the door, Pilgrim was sitting there, waiting for me. I picked him up and took him into the living room. I faintly heard Mrs. Kurata hiss when she saw what I was holding in my arms.

I rolled my eyes, without her noticing, and put Pilgrim down on the floor right in front of Sayuri.

I sat down next to Sayuri while Pilgrim sat on the floor, watching with curiosity what I was doing. I softly whispered in her ear, "_Mei-chan,_ open your eyes…"

When she did, her eyes locked onto Pilgrim right away and her mouth dropped open. Then a smile spread across her face and joy filled her beautiful blue eyes. She climbed down the sofa and crawled over to Pilgrim, who was still unmoving on the floor, but now had his head cocked to the side watching Sayuri get closer. I saw that Mrs. Kurata was about to protest, but I immediately shot her a glare and shook my head 'no' to her. She huffed and looked out the window, but didn't say anything.

The social worker was watching everything like a hawk, but she was smiling at Sayuri and me. She was looking a little confused, but overall she seemed to approve my interactions with my little girl.

"Neko," said Sayuri with Pilgrim in her arms.

"Pilgrim," I said from my place on the sofa.

Sayuri kissed the top of Pilgrim's head and he purred. "Neeeee-koh" she whispered to him.

I chuckled, "Pil-grim," I corrected again, though I thought she wasn't paying attention to me.

She giggled and stood up, leaving Pilgrim on the floor, and ran to me with excitement written all over her face. She grabbed my face in her little hands and whisper-yelled, "Neko!"

I laughed, "_Mei-chan_, his name is Pilgrim. Can you repeat after me? Piiil-griiiim…"

"Pelgrem?"

"Pilgrim." I repeated.

She cocked her head to the side and pursed her lips, as a look of deep concentration ran through her face. This expression was so like Esme that I nearly started to cry all over again, but I held in and simply smiled with watery eyes.

"Pilgrim, like a traveler!" she finally said.

I was shocked that she would even know what it meant. I bet Esme had made a point to buy her crosswords in English to help her with her vocabulary, "Yes, _mei-chan_. Like a traveler," I said with a smile.

_It's so good to smile again._

_She makes me smile._

_I will _not_ let these people take her from me._

_I promise, Esme._

**~L&S~**

They left after three hours. Apparently I even had a time frame with Sayuri. The social worker made a point to ask me some question while Sayuri ate a snack I had ready for her. She wasn't _intrusive,_ but she did make a point to bring out my 'choice' of lifestyle. When I told her that it wasn't a _choice_, that this was the way I was and that I would always put Sayuri first, she seemed to relent a little. She did point out how prepared I was for the visit and noticed how Mrs. Kurata hadn't even made a snack for Sayuri to bring over. Over all, the meeting went well.

I was still staring at the front door when I heard a soft '_meow'._ I looked down to see Pilgrim looking back at me trying to cheer me up. I looked outside, it was a beautiful spring afternoon, and the Cherry tree in Esme's garden was in full bloom.

"Let's go to the garden." I said to my little friend and grabbed my coat from the hall closet.

Once outside, I walked straight to the cherry tree and sat down with my back against the trunk. This garden had been Esme's pride and joy. I could still remember when she made Ryo and I dig the ground to create the pond in the middle. I could still see her tending the flowers or feeding the fishes in the pond. I felt content here. There was no sadness, just happy memories. I made a mental note to go through the house for some personal belongings of Esme's to keep for Sayuri and to pack the photo albums that were under the coffee table located in the small sitting area in the master bedroom.

The breeze was soft and cool. All the flowers in the garden perfumed the air and the grass was so soft. I found myself lulling to sleep, and before I knew it, I felt into a dreamless sleep.

**~L&S~**

I was having a very nice dream involving a certain bronze-haired boy when I was woken up, rather abruptly, by a certain feline friend of mine.

"PILGRIM!" I yelled when I felt his weight on my chest waking me up from my sleep. "You scared me, my dear friend. I guess I fell asleep on you," I said sheepishly. I couldn't believe I had fallen sleep in the middle of the garden and it was the best sleep I'd had in weeks. I laughed at my situation and considered bringing out a quilt to sleep against the tree if I found myself unable to do so inside the house.

I stood up with Pilgrim on my shoulder and in that same moment I heard someone yelp in pain and a soft thud behind my back.

"Shit!" I heard a man hiss.

I turned around, and what I saw knocked the air out of me.

It was _him._

The bronze-haired boy from New York.

I couldn't believe my luck.

He was sitting on the ground holding one of his hands, and looking rather queasy like he was in pain. I crouched, balancing my weight on the balls of my feet, and cocked my head to the side to have a better look at his face. "Are you alright?" I asked him, since he hadn't said anything so far.

He looked up and I was lost all over gain in the depths of his emerald green eyes.

God, he was beautiful.

He was wearing a black leather motorcycle zip jacket, a white t-shirt with some kind of design stamped in black, dark grey jeans and black leather sneakers. This boy looked hot in leather, that was a fact, and all that black brought out the color of his eyes and hair. He certainly knew how to dress and it seemed that all of his clothes were designer brand, which probably meant that he had money, and if he had money, then he might as well live on Park Avenue.

_Well… I'm certainly a lucky guy._

He hadn't answered my question, so when I looked at his face to find out why, I was surprised with what I found.

There he was, sitting on the ground, mouth hanging open as his eyes swept very slow over every single part of my body. There was no mistaking that hungry look on his face, and the way his breath was a little elaborate.

He was checking me out.

And it seemed he liked what he saw.

The bulge that was straining against his jeans' zipper certainly confirmed my last statement.

I removed my sunglasses, to have a better look at him. I heard his breath hitch when I did, making me smile wider. I was amused by his reactions, and the intensity I had felt before when I saw him for the first time, came back in full force. He seemed unable look away; his eyes stared back at me. I saw wonder and want shinning in their depths

"Um…," he tried to answer my question; though I think he didn't even remembered what was the question.

I chuckled, and I noticed how the sound of it made something twitch inside his jeans. I was rather enjoying the reactions I was getting out of him. I guessed I should be surprised by this, after what I'd seen in New York between him and the pretty brunette, but I didn't want to read too much into it.

He was here.

He wanted me.

I couldn't help but tease him a little bit.

I smirked and his eyes immediately zoomed to my lips. With amusement clearly coloring my voice I asked him, "Would you mind telling me, what were you doing climbing a tree on private property?" and I might have let my accent sound stronger on every word.

"Umm… the shi-, um, c-c-cat was s-s-stuck. I-I helped?" he stammered.

He was truly flustered and maybe a little confused.

_Oh boy… I know exactly how you feel._

"Well, thank you for helping Pilgrim," I chuckled and then looked back at the tree where Pilgrim was now sleeping comfortably on the ground. "I'm sure he appreciates your valiant effort," I added sarcastically.

"Uh huh," was his response. He was glaring at my cat through narrowed eyes, clearly annoyed by his attitude. He then tried to stand, but he forgot about his injured hand and tried to support his weight on it, making him hiss from the burn and pain.

I quickly reached out and grabbed his wrist to inspect the wound. "This is a very nasty cut you got here. Did you cut yourself with the tree branch?" I asked him turning into doctor mode. I took out my handkerchief from my coat pocket and started dabbing at the wound.

He simply nodded at my question and tried to not look at the wound. He seemed to get a little green when he saw blood, so I tried to be careful in cleaning the wound and trying to check if there were any splinters inside. He didn't flinch at my touch, which meant he wasn't feeling any pain. The last thing I wanted was for this beautiful boy to be in pain.

I noticed that he kept staring at me with confusion on his face. I smiled tenderly, "I don't see any splinters in the wound, but you should get it cleaned and put on a bandage to avoid an infection," I told him softly.

"Okay," he said. I wished he could deliver more than one-word answers without stammering, so I could hear his voice more clearly.

I couldn't stop staring at him; I would have thought I was still dreaming if it wasn't for the warmth I felt in the hand that was holding his wrist. "Okay," I sighed.

I had been so focused on cleaning his wound that I didn't notice the change of our positions. It was like we were magnets drawn to each other. He was sitting with his legs crossed and his upper body was leaning towards me. I was on my knees resting my weight on my heels. We were quite close to each other. I could feel the warmth of his body and smell the scent of the leather of his jacket along with other scents that reminded me of a Japanese bakery.

I was still holding his wrist, not too tightly but not too loosely. I didn't dare move, my eyes were locked with his and neither of us could look away.

I noticed he had some cherry flower petals on his hair. I took a deep breath, to gather up my courage, and reached out to run my fingers through his hair and remove the petals. "You've got cherry flowers there," I whispered.

"Sakura," was his answer.

"Pardon?" I asked with confusion, my fingers still stroking his hair.

"Sakura, that's cherry blossoms, in Japanese," he explained in a whisper.

I was surprised by his words, he seemed to know some Japanese, but I was more distracted by the way his lips moved when he talked and the sound of his voice; it was rich and deep and warm. Like a warm blanket in a cold winter afternoon in front of a fireplace while drinking hot chocolate.

_God, his voice was music to my ears._

"Sakura," I smiled. My fingers softly skimmed through the side of his head, then slowly down behind his ear, his skin was warm and soft and I felt myself getting hard inside my jeans. I softly touched his jaw and down to his chin. I softly grabbed his chin between my index finger and my thumb. I couldn't keep my eyes off his lips, and my thumb started rubbing soothing circles on the skin below his lower lip.

He blushed at my gesture and it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

I looked down to his lips again, making him lick the top one. I looked back into his eyes, feeling the desire to kiss him run through my body. The atmosphere changed and was now charged with electricity. I looked at his lips again, which were now parted, waiting. I was breathing slowly, taking measured breaths to calm myself and not crash my lips with his.

I cupped his face, my thumb caressing the apple of his cheeks making him blush more.

"Beautiful…," I breathed.

And I couldn't hold back anymore. I kept my eyes locked on his as I slowly closed the distance between us and brushed my lips softly against his, to simply taste and to gauge his reaction. He gasped and shuddered at the feel of my lips. His eyes were open and so were mine as he slightly pulled away.

I was afraid I'd pushed him too far, but the hungry look was still there.

Feeling emboldened by his reaction, I leaned in for a second kiss, this time pressing my lips to his more firmly. I pulled back and moved my hand to the back of his head and tangled my fingers in his hair at the nape of his neck and claimed a third kiss.

Our lips crashed together with a powerful passion, they danced together from one side to the other. I felt my desire for him grow and I took his lower lip between mine while he ran his tongue along his upper lip. I could feel my heart beating wildly on my chest, and I could swear I heard his beating rapidly as well. Our breathing was uneven and labored. We were both panting as our lips moved in a synchronized dance. I felt him grab one the lapels of my coat and pulled it to bring us even closer. I touched his lips with my tongue, asking for permission, without hesitation he opened his mouth. I angled his head with my hand and plunged my tongue into the deep recesses of his mouth. The taste of him made me feel light-headed. He tasted so sweet. He moaned at the feel my tongue stroking his, and I grunted in response, feeling myself getting harder by the second.

He rose from the ground to his knees bringing us chest to chest. He was so warm, so soft, and so sweet. My head was a little higher than his giving me the perfect angle to deepen the kiss. He fisted the other lapel of my coat, and for a moment I thought he might flinch from the pain in his palm, but he didn't show any signs of discomfort, so I didn't stop kissing him.

My hand was still buried in the hair at the nape of his neck. I wanted to touch him. I wanted to feel his skin beneath my fingers. So, with my other hand I reached under his t-shirt and started running soothing circles at the small of his back. We both moaned at the feel of skin to skin contact. I couldn't seem to get enough of him... his scent, his taste, and his warmth.

Our tongues battled for dominance. I almost came when he moaned as I slid down and grabbed his jean covered ass. I growled in response and, wanting to taste more of him, I left his lips to plant open-mouthed kisses along his jaw while he took advantage of his proximity to my ear to lick and nibble along my earlobe. Then he bit down, hard, making me moan and seek for some relief for my aching cock. I was about to grind myself against him when my mobile rang.

_No, no, no…._

We both pulled back at the same time, startled by the interruption. I took my mobile from my jean pocket and saw that I had a missed call.

_Victoria._

_SHIT!_

What the hell was I doing? What had possessed me to start a hot-as-hell make out session in the middle of Esme's garden with a complete stranger? What if the social worker had come back and caught me doing much more than an innocent PDA? I couldn't risk losing Sayuri; I had vowed to always put her first.

I looked up to see my bronze-haired boy looking back at me with a little vulnerability in his eyes. We stared at each other for a few minutes without saying anything. I sighed and stood up, and he did the same. Once we were face to face, I ran my hands through my hair to try to clear my head.

In a clam voice, I said, "I need to get back, I wish I could stay, but…," I sighed again and rubbed my face with the palms of my hands.

_God, I wanted to kiss him again._

He seemed to not want me to leave either, and I wanted to continue where we left off, so much, but if Victoria had called that meant that she was already at the consulate and I really needed to go.

He lowered his head showing insecurity and confusion, I wanted to hug him and kiss him till we both passed out from the lack of oxygen.

"Can I meet you again?" he asked with uncertainty in his voice.

I wanted to, but Victoria would have my head if she found out about my recklessness. "I'm afraid not," I answered in a sad voice. "I'm leaving the country in two days," I saw him lower his head in rejection; I didn't want him to feel rejected. I wanted him to know that he had made me feel more alive in only a few minutes, than I had ever felt in the last three years. He had to know that. So, looking into his eyes I said, "Although, now I wish I didn't have to."

My words made him smile. "It's okay. I guess this is goodbye?" he lifted his head and started to trace my face with his eyes like he wanted to memorize every single detail of my face, and I found myself doing the same thing.

He was so beautiful. His lips were swollen and red from our kiss and he had some love bites behind his ears. I bet I had a red mark where he'd bitten down on my earlobe and I was sure I would miss it once it disappeared.

"I guess it is," I said with my voice sad and low.

I couldn't leave him without tasting him one more time. I wrapped my hand around the back of his neck and kissed him with tenderness, trying to let him know that he was special, but that unfortunately we couldn't see each other again.

I had kissed my bronze-haired boy goodbye.

"Take care," I said and looking at the cherry blossoms that had fallen in his hair again, I added, "sakura boy," I whispered against his lips.

_My sakura boy…_

With a final chaste kiss on his forehead, we pulled apart. We didn't exchange any more words as we went our separate ways.

I went back inside the house to grab my messenger bag and took a cab to the American consulate. My mobile rang again and I answered quickly, knowing that it would be Victoria.

"Hello, Carlisle. I'm sorry for calling earlier; I thought Sayuri had already left." She said in an apologetic tone.

"Yes, she left an hour ago, but I was in the garden and couldn't reach my phone on time. I'm sorry, Victoria."

"It's alright, Carlisle, I understand." She took a deep breath before continuing, "Tell me, are you ready to start your new life WITH your daughter by your side?" she asked in a happy tone.

I released a breath I hadn't noticed I had been holding in relief.

"Yes, I am." I answered with a smile.

My sakura boy's face flashed through my mind's eyes and I felt something stir in my chest. He had awakened feelings that had been dormant for so long with only just one look. I never thought I could feel like this again. He had taken a part of me with him, a part that I didn't want him to return. I could still feel his warmth trough my hands and his taste still lingered on my lips.

All within one surreal moment, I had lost myself in him…

I shook my head trying to clear those thoughts from my mind.

_I was starting a new life._

_My new life with a new job and a beautiful daughter._

_How I wished my sakura boy would also be with me, holding my hand._

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><p><strong><em>Thank you for reading and please leave me a review. *puppy dog eyes*<em>**

**_Until next time, xoxo_**

**_Mina_**


	3. My Friend

_****Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. Ms. Meyer owns Twilight and all of its characters, no copyright violation is intended. References to real people, places and groups are used fictitiously. The plot is my original work. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.****_

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><p><em><strong><strong><em><strong>This outtake was written for FANDOMS FIGHTS THE FLOODS. Thank you so much to all of you who donated!<strong>_****_

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><p><em><strong>This outtake was born after 3 shots of tequila, 4 beers and one bottle of Stoli. Annie was playing the part of Victoria and me of Carlisle. We actually got the laptop set up in front of our drunken asses and let our wits and fingers to the rest. Incredibly, we tend <strong>__**to be quite deep in this state.**_

_**And of course, a little mean!**_

_**You**__**'ll see at the end!**_

_***evil laugh***_

_**ENJOY!**_

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><p><strong>L&amp;S OUTTAKE 3: My Friend<strong>

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><p>I enter the coffee shop and I immediately see him sitting in the back. I make my way towards him with a smile on my face, I instantly take notice that he looks different from the last time I saw him in Tokyo.<p>

"So, why exactly am I here, Carlisle?" I ask as soon as I'm sitting opposite him.

"Hello to you too, Victoria."

I roll my eyes at his manners.

"Yeah… yeah… Hi and all that jazz…," I make a motion with my hand for him to carry on. "Now tell me what has your panties in a twist."

"Can't I just ask my lawyer slash best friend to lunch?" he answers coyly.

"No, you want something," and that is a fact.

I have learned to read people pretty well in my job. True, I'm a corporate lawyer now, but I was once a persecutor for the state of Washington. I did so well putting the bad people behind bars that I was offered a very lucrative position in the law firm where I am now a partner.

I notice Carlisle playing with his napkin, a very obvious tick of his, and finally he sighs, which is my cue to dive in a question my suspect… Oops! I mean, friend.

"What is it?" I push.

"I met someone."

He says it so quietly that, if I wasn't paying attention, I wouldn't be able to hear it.

My reaction is quick and predictable.

I squeal.

Like a kid in a candy store.

Poor Carlisle has to cover his ears.

"Bloody hell, Vicky!"

"I can't believe you met someone! Who is he? Where did you meet him? What's his name?"

I'm completely vibrating with excitement, like an energizer bunny with ADHD and on crack.

"I met him in Tokyo."

He looks uncertain after his admission, and that sobers me up. Also, I don't fail to notice how he never said the man's name.

"You look rather down for a person who is finally gonna get laid."

"Vicky! It's not like that. It's just... complicated."

Complicated?

"Carlisle… I know that what you went through with Sam left you scarred, but you gotta let it go!"

"I did, Vicky, that's why I'm scared. If I screw this up, a lot of people could get hurt."

I look at him and I notice for the first time that he looks happy. Actually, he is glowing.

"You are in love…"

"No, I'm not!"

"Yes, you are!"

He shakes his head at me.

"Very mature, Vicky."

I lift one eyebrow and give him my best 'no nonsense' look. He can't fool me and he knows it, he can't pretend he lives in the Nile with me for long.

He looks up at me and very lamely he adds, "Vicky, it's not like that."

"It isn't?"

He doesn't answer and keeps playing with the napkin, but his face says it all.

Oh my God… He IS in love…

I take one of his hands in mine, "Carlisle, love is a huge leap of faith and I know it can be scary, but don't be. Embrace it. Own it. Experience it. You'll be amazed at the euphoria you feel when you do."

"That was rather deep coming from you."

"I have been reading some Depak Chopra, so sue me!"

"Like I could stand a chance."

"And you know it!"

We laugh at our own stupid joke.

The waiter comes and takes our order; I notice how Carlisle doesn't order his customary tea.

Something is definitely up with him, but I'm gonna wait for him to open up to me.

It takes him exactly less than 5 minutes to crack.

He clears his throat and in one breath he says very quickly, "ItsEdward."

…

…

…

_(Yes! My brain is blank!)_

"Wait, what?" I ask after processing, "Come again? Because I swear I think I heard you say it was Edward."

"Yes, it's him. The guy I met."

"I beg your pardon?" I'm so confused. I can't seem to be able to process this information.

"It's Edward," he repeats slowly.

"Masen?" I ask with an expression on my face that must say 'are you fucking serious?'

He nods timidly and avoids making eye contact with me.

It takes me 2.28 seconds for his words to sink in.

"OH. MY. GOD! How could you, Carlisle? Why are you doing this to poor Lizzie? You son of a bitch…"

"NO! NOT THAT EDWARD!" he exclaims with his hands up in the international signal of surrender.

Come again?

"WHAT?"

"Junior…," he hisses.

I pinch the bridge of my nose and take a deep breath.

"Wait, you are telling me you are in love with Edward Masen JUNIOR?"

"I'm not in love…"

"CARLISLE!"

"FINE! Yes! I fell in love with him!"

My jaw drops and I have only one thing to say.

"OH. MY. GOD! How could you, Carlisle? Why are you doing this to poor Lizzie? You son of a bitch…"

"Vicky, listen… PLEASE!" he yells as he cowers away from me and my hitting bag.

Huh… Weird, I didn't realize I was hitting him in the first place.

Once I sit back down, he starts explaining.

"I saw him here in NY and he was the first person to actually spark something in me-"

New York?

"Wait, you told me you met him in Tokyo, how come you are now saying New York?"

"I SAW him first here in New York, but I MET him in Tokyo-"

"So, wait, you two went out on a date in Tokyo?"

He sighs, exasperated.

"You gotta explain this to me Carlisle," I hiss.

The waiter arrives with our food and we wait till he's gone to start our talk again.

"Explain, please!"

Carlisle takes a deep breath and slouches in his seat.

"I was in NY looking for an apartment when I first saw him. He was with a pretty brunette girl, so I thought he was straight." That must've been Bella.

"I didn't talk to him, for obvious reasons, so I left his place and never looked back. Days later in Tokyo, after Sayuri's visitation while I was at Esme's house, I fell asleep in the garden. Next thing I know, he is there falling from the cherry tree after trying to get Pilgrim to come down, since he'd gotten stuck on one of the branches."

"Ok, what happened next?"

He blushes.

"YOU FUCKED HIM?"

And I think I was a little too loud, because I notice the people in the coffee shop turn to stare at us.

I clear my throat, trying to shake off the embarrassment.

"I mean… you fucked him," I whisper-hiss at him, once everyone have gone back to their own worlds.

"NO! But we did make out. It was pretty intense."

That fact that he is still blushing, clues me in on the intensity of that make- out session.

"Then? What happened?"

"Breakfast…"

_Oh my God! I knew it!_

"I thought you said you didn't fuck him."

"God, Vicky I haven't fucked anyone in over three years, just drop it!"

"Wow… three years…," I whistle.

"Not funny…"

He looks rather mad, so I decide to drop it.

"So, what about breakfast?"

"I met Ted and Liz for breakfast the next day, and imagine my surprise when I found out that the guy I made out with is no other than Edward Masen, Jr."

"Nooooo…"

"Yes."

"You are so fucking screwed."

He bangs his head on the table and lets out a soft 'ow'.

"What are you gonna do now, Carlisle?"

"I have no idea."

He lifts his head from the table and runs his hands over his handsome face.

"Are you gonna try to stay away from him?" I ask, knowing his M.O. pretty well.

"I think that would be the best. "

He looks up at me.

I slap him in the back of his head.

"Bloody hell, Vicky!"

"You are telling me, that after three years of not getting any and sulking away for a guy who gave a shit-"

"Victoria," he hisses.

I take a deep breath.

"Fine, recovering from a loss that left you in a state of depression, better?"

He nods and I continue, "You, Carlisle Cullen, are going to push away the only guy who has been able to spark any kind of feelings after the major fuckery you went through?"

"Well, when you put it like that…"

"No, Carlisle, Listen to me."

I grab his hands in mine and wait for him to look me in the eye.

"The first step towards happiness is always the hardest. You can't let your fear for something that wasn't your fault, make you give up what might be the greatest thing that's ever happened to you!"

"Vic, you don't understand…"

"What is that I don't understand, Carlisle?"

He shakes his head, but doesn't say anything else.

"Sam is the past, Carlisle. There was no way you would have known-"

"But you're wrong. If I had been there more, if I hadn't let my career consume me…"

"That's a lot of _ifs_, my friend. You can't live in the past."

He shakes his head again and takes his hands back.

"Vicky, it was my fault."

"No, Carlisle."

"Yes!"

"Carlisle, there was no way-"

"But there was!"

I sit back in my chair and let his words sink in.

"What do you mean?"

His expression darkens suddenly, and looking straight to my eyes he asks, "Vicky, what happened three years ago…"

I nod solemnly, knowing what he was talking about.

"It wasn't the first time."

And that shut me up.

* * *

><p><strong>Like it? Hate it? A little more info on Carlisle's past and his relationship with Sam. Some of you might get it right, some might get it wrong. Give me your best shot!<strong>

**Thanks to LaMomo and Eifeltwr for their amazing beta skills, you girls actually make me sound coherent! LOL**

**Till the next time! XOXO**

**~Mina**


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